south african films – or even any feature…so blunt…such blatant manipulation…if it’s well engineered, then yea sure, it tugs at the emotions, it makes one feel this or the other, but it’s a cheat, you know, it’s trying to move…where’s the real stuff gets done? the stuff that gets under your sin, the real beauty, or am i being snobbish and jealous and doctoral and the rest of it? no, i think not, i think i can appreciate what the circus is without wanting to be part of it, without thinking i could make it a good fit…my horizons are murkier, more worrisome, less clear…by not making commerce my aim, not wanting to make that object (is this possible without rejecting it outright?) there’s more i’m searching for or grappling in the dark for…more accidental…more spirit filled, more spiritual…<is it really tho? or is that an excuse?> - i mean what do i really want to write? of great love, of great sacrifice, of whom i really would admire, of true wisdom and insight and compassion and whittling away at something to warm the heart’s chambers, the mind’s eyes…
the thing with these films, even the ones with great dialogue and characters, like “her” – the thing is that they’re all inevitably coming from some or other vantage point of what’s good and not and what’s worthwhile and not – i mean they’re easy to spot, the values being propagated, the american stuff like: “it’s good to express yr emotions, to have adventures, excitement is good, so is spontaneity and sharing and talking a lot and saying everything you want to say and getting everything you want” and so on and so forth – that whole package of things of what’s a good way to behave…and in terms of the larger perspective it seems really shallow and superficial and almost arbitrarily silly…i mean in the context of samsara and ultimate values and what the mind is capable if…to be stuck here plugged into this…for how much longer can i keep it up? the pretence that this is important…maybe the nausea is growing for these ideals…
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Anton kruegerAt the end of every year I collect all the notes I've taken during that year and number them and print out one hard copy. ArchivesCategories
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